Whenever the 80/35 Music Festival rolls out its lineup every year, we start trying to brainstorm new and interesting ways to cover it. After all, we don’t do much for post-show coverage here on the website (we want you to go to shows, not find out how they were), and most of the acts booked for the festival need little-to-no introduction from us.
What we came up is this: Phoning It In At The 80/35 Music Festival. We decided we’d carry on a group message conversation among our writers during the festival as well as the days leading up to it, and post it here for an honest-to-goodness first-hand account of the real 80/35 experience!
Okay, so mostly it’s just jokes and cat pictures, but that’s pretty much all we do here at dsmshows, so what did you expect?
Nick: 80/35 is less than a week away. Let this begin
Casey: It’s probably too late to score press passes right?
Trey: I applied for us but haven’t heard back. I’ll send another email.
C: There you go pulling your weight again.
Bruce: I don’t see a lot of money here.
T: Especially when we all keep phoning it in. We need more writers so WE can do less.
C: (wad of cash emoticon)
T: More writers and more sponsored pizza.
T: Just sayin’ Casey, with you working there, it’s an obvious connec.
C: I feel like every single group discussion we have ends with “so yeah, let us know when you find those interns, Trey.”
N: Oh, that’s good.
B: Is that Gusto sponsorship official yet?
C: They told me I could use my 50% employee discount for dsmshows event-related purchases, no matter the size of the order.
T: So I can get 50% off slices during 80/35 at the Gusto truck?
C: Lol no. But for a house show or residency we can swing it.
Phil: So we just say, “Hi, I’m with dsmshows” and they will always give us a 50% off then? That’s cool! Thanks Casey!
T: You said no matter the size of the order.
N: I’m gonna have TWO slices then, not just one!
C: Wamza has stickers, you guys.
T: We have stickers on the way :)
T: But ETA… Monday July 11. Just in time to miss 80/35. Whomp.
P: What do they look like? Do they look like 50% off coupons for Gusto?
T: I intentionally made the stickers not that cool in order to properly represent the website.
P: Is there a guy throwing grenades on the sticker?
C: As long as you used comic sans
N: Or that ransom note font.
T: Hmm, I’ll definitely have to put the grenade throwing guy on the next sticker. Really missed an opportunity there.
C: Only if it’s one of those dope-ass holographic things like they used to have on the tops of lunch boxes so it looks like the grenade throwing guy is actually throwing grenades.
B: I don’t see a lot of money here.
N: One day away, shit-sticks. Get your flip phones charged up, cuz I’m gonna rain down inane observations like there is no tomorrow.
T: But if there was no tomorrow… would there be an 80/35?
N: Is this “Inception”?
T: That wasn’t really about weird timeline stuff though. It was all dreams… or was it?
T: Does the top keep spinning at the end???
N: My top don’t stop!
N: I bet Bruce and Phil are already thinking this whole text thread feature was a bad idea.
T: Don’t worry Nick, I’ma edit out all your bad jokes.
P: (music notes emoticon) Put my phone on silent, this is my last resort (music notes emoticon)
T: Whoa.. was that a Papa Roach reference?
B: What time do they play?
P: They play at 6pm Friday on the Nationwide Stage.
N: Call me Papa Pleased!
Day One of the Festival
N: Anybody want to start a pool to see what percentage of our live text convo Trey ends up editing out? I’m guessing 72%
P: Does that mean he’s just going to re-write it entirely?
C: And edit out all of our lengthy, bloated prose.
T: “I will quote you warmly and accurately.”
P: Warmly? Sounds sensual.
T: A sunset rubdown, if you will.
C: I feel like we should start a ruckus about how the Generation Z line-up isn’t on the schedule and map handout.
P: It’s on the app tho! Get with the times, Casey!
C: Is there an app for killing really old trees that sustain life so I can walk around with a picture of a cat in my pocket all weekend? Cause I’d be into that.
P: Any of you boys wanna help plaster flyers for our dsmshoes Aug. 26 show around the fest later?
T: I can help with that.
C: Life hack: look at cats.
P: Me too.
N: There are tigers playing on the main stage…
N: There’s a guy doing the robot and footwork in the corner of the Tires set. Shit’s lit!
N: And now he’s break dancing and people are filming him.
T: Wolf Parade’s gear was lost in transit and then the synth they borrowed was melting in the sun.
N: That was Phil’s synth.
N: Casey’s listening to MarKaus off-beat and I’m happy with that.
C: There’s a reason I write about music instead of making it.
N: Ooh Ben Chappell and that tasteful wah.
N: This porto-potty is filled with very dehydrated pee.
Day Two of the Festival
P: Hey guys. Whatcha all doin?
T: Why are you awake? And why are you texting us this early?
P: Anyone wanna go see The Naus? He’s playing this weekend.
P: (shield emoticon) (top hat emoticon) (charged battery emoticon) (cactus emoticon) (mailbox emoticon) (compact disc emoticon)
N: I’ve seen Gnas (the “g” is silent) and I gotta say, he’s the real deal.
P: Gnas was gnar.
C: Gnas was pretty effin’ gnreat (the “n” is silent)
N: Whose gas?! And what stage did they play on.
C: I’m not sure whose gas it was, but it smelled pretty bad.
N: Nasty Nas.
N: A guy tried to pass me a blunt last night during the Nas set and I said “I wish, but I’m on probation” and he looked at me like I disrespected his entire family.
T: Fellas… the stickers have arrived.
P: Do our stickers double as bluntwraps cause that’s the only way I’ll use them.
P: Dang!! Is that url available???
C: If only Waka Flocka Flame was playing 515 Alive this year instead of last year.
T: The url is taken. I checked.
P: I haven’t rolled a blunt since high school
T: That one’s available though.
P: Is this the 4.20% you’ll be editing out later Trey? (smoking cigarette emoticon)
C: I hate to be this guy tho, but I’m pretty sure drugs are illegal. Just sayin’.
B: Not all drugs, just most.
B: PETA will be all over that cat blunt. Be sure to edit that out.
N: Good call. Trey, can you handle editing something out. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that before?
C: I’m moving to Canada if they make this drug illegal:
N: (ok symbol emoticon)
P: …I like when she’s a tiger in that video.
T: Ya’ll ever put lime juice in yer coffee?
B: Yep! It’s amazing.
P: I’ve done a shot that’s espresso & fresh squeezed orange juice. It tasted like vomit.
N: Teach me your ways.
B: I have an unhealthy obsession with limes.
P: I have an unhealthy obsession with Bud Light Limes.
N: I have a healthy obsession with Air Bud.
N: I’ve seen that twice. I told you it was a healthy obsession.
T: This text message feature for the website is going to have so very little to do with 80/35.
P: Little to do with what?
N: I’m not wearing any socks.
P: Neither is my cat.
C: I could write a couple thousand words about the US Interstate system.
B: Set picks for today?
P: Odd Pets at noon. Druids at 1:30. Sleazy Fruit at 2. Huh… weird they are all locals.
N: Easy Fruit is at 1 I thought
C: Pretty sure it’s 1
P: Easy Fruit is at whenever they wanna be.
P: But yeah, you guys are right though.
C: Did you use the app to check?
N: Goldblums at 4. Goldblums is the truth.
B: Will Goldblums set up on the stage? Taking wagers?
N: Oh fuck, how I wish they would play on the ground!!! Kyler said no though.
C: Kyler was looking for a long time at the gravel area next to the stage but behind the barricades yesterday
N: Andy (Odd Pets) looks so happy.
C: It’s like Zootopia up in this binch. Odd Pets is the truth.
T: Oh, I get it! Zootopia because they’re all odd pets!
N: Easy Fruit is killing it
T: So yesterday at 80/35, Gusto fucked up my pizza so I got two for the price of one, aka 50% off. Thanks Casey for the hookup!
C: Always the credit, never the blame.
C: Ravyn Lenae is killing this cover of “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley (the “g” is silent)
N: Kyler pulls handbills out of his pocket like other people pull cell phones: Looks at them for a second, then puts them back into his pocket.
T: Anyone staying down for Thao?
C: Hey is this something: Wake me up when the Septemberists end? Y/N
N: I agree with Trey. Sorry Casey.
N: I just saw Bob Ketch and talked to him for a bit. I call that a ketchup.
T: Sometimes I wonder if we really earn the press passes they give us.
P: What press passes? This is a fluff piece since I’m in a band that’s playing the festival right?
C: I mean, technically it’s an interview, right Phil?
T: It’s us interviewing ourselves about the 80/35 experience. It’s going to be a really essential piece on the festival.
T: aka real journalism
T: Blum Galloon
P: Nick during “Pills” at Goldblums
T: For real though Golblums was xoxo
N: Oh boy was it!!!
C: Were you there, Nick?
N: Nah, live stream braj.
T: You on house arrest?
N: Yeah I bootlegged copies of that show House and they arrested me.
C: Same thing happened to me when I pirated the complete series of Grounded for Life.
T: I downloaded all of Prison Break and got away with it. :)))
C: Well fuckin rub it in why don’t ya
C: Sorry for snappin’
C: Is everyone else having server issues with Pokemon Go or is it just me?
T: I wanna start a band called FRIERS. Or maybe FRIARS.
T: This TIRES SIRES shit is just confusing.
T: Will someone tell Camps to put his pants back on plz? This is a public space.
N: Make Campos clothed again.
P: Hey! That guy he’s interviewing owes me some salami. And I’m entirely not joking.
T: omg The Isiserettes are playing! I could listen to this for days.
P: That’s the pile that spawned the band name.
T: The last time I saw the Black Lips, they proclaimed themselves the “voice of our generation”, vomited, and smashed two guitars.
C: What color were their lips?
T: Just regular
T: I don’t remember.
T: Just regular I think.
C: Life hack: be bad at sex.
N: I love each and every one of you.
N: Also, not that drunk. Just enamored with those last few texts.
N: Do you guys think the Black Lips ever thought about themselves and the Black Eyed Peas forming a supergroup?
C: +Black Flag
T: +Black Crowes
N: +”Paint it Black”
T: +(Godspeed, You) Black Emperor!
B: +Black Star
N: +Black Moth Super Rainbow
N: Where are you boys? I’m behind the sound booth, on the curb, slumping sangria and nicotine at the Black Lips concert (show)
N: Best thing I’ve seen all weekend is some underwear thrown away in a porto-potty. Such a sweet, sad reminder of existence.
C: The new songs MAIDS did at their set were really fucking good.
C: They were (fire emoticon) (fire emoticon) (fire emoticon)
C: So, I’ve been retracing my steps in my head all day and I’m pretty sure that during the TIRES IPR set I left my water bottle on the table and that was when Kyler put a torn-up handbill in there.
N: Lizzo is fucking killing it. I see you Casey. Good jawns.
B: Now there is a good word: jawns.
B: Fresh jawns.
P: Nick Cage
C: Controversially, Colin Meloy (in addition to Nas last night) is also taking shots at Donald Trump during his headlining set. I think the crowd is about to turn.
T: Wait, so the Decemberists pulled random people out of the audience during their big set climax who just-so-happened to play guitar? Suspect.
T: “The Moiners’ Revenge Song”
T: What is ya’ll doing fer the after party?
P: Phil on acid feat. Karen Meat.
P: Karen Meat on acid feat. Phil
P: One of the most fun 80/35s I’ve had. Didn’t give a shit about “most” of the national acts, and our locals fucking killed.
P: When is 80/35 gonna book Lenny Kravitz?
C: I’m just glad we missed that short window when Macklemore and Ryan Lewis was a viable option.
P: I worked sound for those two gentlemen at the Vaudeville Mews in 2010. Eight people paid. Great show… (unhappy face emoticon)
N: Guys, I’m seeing tigers everywhere…
P: Lizzo stole a cooler! Haha!
C: She earned it.
N: For real.
N: It seems corny, but I don’t feel that large sense of community anywhere else like I do at 80/35. And when it’s over, a subtle sadness seeps in.
C: I totally just wallowed in a sadness nap for most of today. Being around other people while watching live music is the truth.
T: Anyone have any other good thoughts about the festival to share for our Phoning It In feature?
P: Read our words and weep Joe Lollipop & Chat Slader!
N: Read our worm Chard Tater and Jojo Lol-er
C: Reek or welp chef tanker and joan leader
C: aka real journalism
B: I don’t see a lot of money here.
T: I fucking quit.