Phoning It In At The 80/35 Music Festival

Phoning It In At The 80/35 Music Festival

Whenever the 80/35 Music Festival rolls out its lineup every year, we start trying to brainstorm new and interesting ways to cover it. After all, we don’t do much for post-show coverage here on the website (we want you to go to shows, not find out how they were), and most of the acts booked for the festival need little-to-no introduction from us.

What we came up is this: Phoning It In At The 80/35 Music Festival. We decided we’d carry on a group message conversation among our writers during the festival as well as the days leading up to it, and post it here for an honest-to-goodness first-hand account of the real 80/35 experience!

Okay, so mostly it’s just jokes and cat pictures, but that’s pretty much all we do here at dsmshows, so what did you expect?

Enjoy(?)!

July 3

1:38 PM

 

Nick: 80/35 is less than a week away. Let this begin

Casey: It’s probably too late to score press passes right?

Trey: I applied for us but haven’t heard back. I’ll send another email.

C: There you go pulling your weight again.

Bruce: I don’t see a lot of money here.

T: Especially when we all keep phoning it in. We need more writers so WE can do less.

C: (wad of cash emoticon)

T: More writers and more sponsored pizza.

T: Gusto…

T: Just sayin’ Casey, with you working there, it’s an obvious connec.

C: I feel like every single group discussion we have ends with “so yeah, let us know when you find those interns, Trey.”

C: #makeDSMshowsInternsAgain

N: Oh, that’s good.

B: Is that Gusto sponsorship official yet?

C: They told me I could use my 50% employee discount for dsmshows event-related purchases, no matter the size of the order.

T: So I can get 50% off slices during 80/35 at the Gusto truck?

C: Lol no. But for a house show or residency we can swing it.

Phil: So we just say, “Hi, I’m with dsmshows” and they will always give us a 50% off then? That’s cool! Thanks Casey!

T: You said no matter the size of the order.

N: I’m gonna have TWO slices then, not just one!

C: Wamza has stickers, you guys.

T: We have stickers on the way :)

T: But ETA… Monday July 11. Just in time to miss 80/35. Whomp.

P: What do they look like? Do they look like 50% off coupons for Gusto?

T: I intentionally made the stickers not that cool in order to properly represent the website.

P: Is there a guy throwing grenades on the sticker?

C: As long as you used comic sans

N: Or that ransom note font.

T: Hmm, I’ll definitely have to put the grenade throwing guy on the next sticker. Really missed an opportunity there.

C: Only if it’s one of those dope-ass holographic things like they used to have on the tops of lunch boxes so it looks like the grenade throwing guy is actually throwing grenades.

B: I don’t see a lot of money here.

 

July 7

4:43 PM

 

N: One day away, shit-sticks. Get your flip phones charged up, cuz I’m gonna rain down inane observations like there is no tomorrow.

T: But if there was no tomorrow… would there be an 80/35?

N: Is this “Inception”?

T: That wasn’t really about weird timeline stuff though. It was all dreams… or was it?

T: Does the top keep spinning at the end???

N: My top don’t stop!

N: I bet Bruce and Phil are already thinking this whole text thread feature was a bad idea.

T: Don’t worry Nick, I’ma edit out all your bad jokes.

P: (music notes emoticon) Put my phone on silent, this is my last resort (music notes emoticon)

T: Whoa.. was that a Papa Roach reference?

B: What time do they play?

P: They play at 6pm Friday on the Nationwide Stage.

N: Call me Papa Pleased!

 

Day One of the Festival

2:53 PM

 

N: Anybody want to start a pool to see what percentage of our live text convo Trey ends up editing out? I’m guessing 72%

P: 69%

C: 69420%

P: Does that mean he’s just going to re-write it entirely?

C: And edit out all of our lengthy, bloated prose.

T: “I will quote you warmly and accurately.”

P: Warmly? Sounds sensual.

T: A sunset rubdown, if you will.

C: I feel like we should start a ruckus about how the Generation Z line-up isn’t on the schedule and map handout.

P: It’s on the app tho! Get with the times, Casey!

C: Is there an app for killing really old trees that sustain life so I can walk around with a picture of a cat in my pocket all weekend? Cause I’d be into that.

TIMG_2025

T: meow?

P: Any of you boys wanna help plaster flyers for our dsmshoes Aug. 26 show around the fest later?

T: I can help with that.

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C: Life hack: look at cats.

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P: Me too.

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PIMG_2029

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N: There are tigers playing on the main stage…

N: There’s a guy doing the robot and footwork in the corner of the Tires set. Shit’s lit!

N: And now he’s break dancing and people are filming him.

T: Wolf Parade’s gear was lost in transit and then the synth they borrowed was melting in the sun.

N: That was Phil’s synth.

N: Casey’s listening to MarKaus off-beat and I’m happy with that.

C: There’s a reason I write about music instead of making it.

N: Ooh Ben Chappell and that tasteful wah.

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N: This porto-potty is filled with very dehydrated pee.

 

Day Two of the Festival

7:00 AM

 

P: Hey guys. Whatcha all doin?

T: Why are you awake? And why are you texting us this early?

P: Anyone wanna go see The Naus? He’s playing this weekend.

P: (shield emoticon) (top hat emoticon) (charged battery emoticon) (cactus emoticon) (mailbox emoticon) (compact disc emoticon)

N: I’ve seen Gnas (the “g” is silent) and I gotta say, he’s the real deal.

P: Gnas was gnar.

C: Gnas was pretty effin’ gnreat (the “n” is silent)

N: Whose gas?! And what stage did they play on.

C: I’m not sure whose gas it was, but it smelled pretty bad.

T: Nasty.

N: Nasty Nas.

N: A guy tried to pass me a blunt last night during the Nas set and I said “I wish, but I’m on probation” and he looked at me like I disrespected his entire family.

T: Fellas… the stickers have arrived.

P: Do our stickers double as bluntwraps cause that’s the only way I’ll use them.

N: dsmshowsyouhowtorolltheperfectblunt.com

P: Dang!! Is that url available???

C: If only Waka Flocka Flame was playing 515 Alive this year instead of last year.

T: The url is taken. I checked.

B: Bluntsmiths

P: I haven’t rolled a blunt since high school

P: dsmshowsyouhowtorollabluntbadly.com

T: That one’s available though.

P: Is this the 4.20% you’ll be editing out later Trey? (smoking cigarette emoticon)

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C: I hate to be this guy tho, but I’m pretty sure drugs are illegal. Just sayin’.

B: Not all drugs, just most.

B: PETA will be all over that cat blunt. Be sure to edit that out.

N: Good call. Trey, can you handle editing something out. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that before?

C: I’m moving to Canada if they make this drug illegal:

N: (ok symbol emoticon)

P: …I like when she’s a tiger in that video.

T: Ya’ll ever put lime juice in yer coffee?

B: Yep! It’s amazing.

P: I’ve done a shot that’s espresso & fresh squeezed orange juice. It tasted like vomit.

N: Teach me your ways.

B: I have an unhealthy obsession with limes.

P: I have an unhealthy obsession with Bud Light Limes.

N: I have a healthy obsession with Air Bud.

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N: I’ve seen that twice. I told you it was a healthy obsession.

T: This text message feature for the website is going to have so very little to do with 80/35.

P: Little to do with what?

N: I’m not wearing any socks.

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P: Neither is my cat.

C: I could write a couple thousand words about the US Interstate system.

T: *sigh

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B: Set picks for today?

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P: Odd Pets at noon. Druids at 1:30. Sleazy Fruit at 2. Huh… weird they are all locals.

N: Easy Fruit is at 1 I thought

C: Pretty sure it’s 1

P: Easy Fruit is at whenever they wanna be.

P: But yeah, you guys are right though.

C: Did you use the app to check?

N: Goldblums at 4. Goldblums is the truth.

B: Will Goldblums set up on the stage? Taking wagers?

N: Oh fuck, how I wish they would play on the ground!!! Kyler said no though.

C: Kyler was looking for a long time at the gravel area next to the stage but behind the barricades yesterday

N: Andy (Odd Pets) looks so happy.

Podd pets

C: It’s like Zootopia up in this binch. Odd Pets is the truth.

T: Oh, I get it! Zootopia because they’re all odd pets!

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N: Easy Fruit is killing it

T: So yesterday at 80/35, Gusto fucked up my pizza so I got two for the price of one, aka 50% off. Thanks Casey for the hookup!

C: Always the credit, never the blame.

C: Ravyn Lenae is killing this cover of “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley (the “g” is silent)

P: Gross?

N: Kyler pulls handbills out of his pocket like other people pull cell phones: Looks at them for a second, then puts them back into his pocket.

T: Anyone staying down for Thao?

C: Hey is this something: Wake me up when the Septemberists end? Y/N

T: N

N: I agree with Trey. Sorry Casey.

N: I just saw Bob Ketch and talked to him for a bit. I call that a ketchup.

T: Sometimes I wonder if we really earn the press passes they give us.

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P: What press passes? This is a fluff piece since I’m in a band that’s playing the festival right?

C: I mean, technically it’s an interview, right Phil?

T: It’s us interviewing ourselves about the 80/35 experience. It’s going to be a really essential piece on the festival.

T: aka real journalism

Tblum

T: Blum Galloon

Ppills

P: Nick during “Pills” at Goldblums

T: For real though Golblums was xoxo

N: Oh boy was it!!!

C: Were you there, Nick?

N: Nah, live stream braj.

T: You on house arrest?

N: Yeah I bootlegged copies of that show House and they arrested me.

C: Same thing happened to me when I pirated the complete series of Grounded for Life.

T: I downloaded all of Prison Break and got away with it. :)))

C: Well fuckin rub it in why don’t ya

C: Sorry for snappin’

C: Is everyone else having server issues with Pokemon Go or is it just me?

T: I wanna start a band called FRIERS. Or maybe FRIARS.

T: This TIRES SIRES shit is just confusing.

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T: Will someone tell Camps to put his pants back on plz? This is a public space.

N: Make Campos clothed again.

P: Hey! That guy he’s interviewing owes me some salami. And I’m entirely not joking.

T: omg The Isiserettes are playing! I could listen to this for days.

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T: tires.

P: That’s the pile that spawned the band name.

T: The last time I saw the Black Lips, they proclaimed themselves the “voice of our generation”, vomited, and smashed two guitars.

C: What color were their lips?

T: Just regular

T: Well

T: I don’t remember.

T: Just regular I think.

B: #makeCamposclothedagain

C: Life hack: be bad at sex.

N: I love each and every one of you.

N: Also, not that drunk. Just enamored with those last few texts.

N: Do you guys think the Black Lips ever thought about themselves and the Black Eyed Peas forming a supergroup?

C: +Black Flag

T: +Black Crowes

N: +”Paint it Black”

T: +(Godspeed, You) Black Emperor!

B: +Black Star

N: +Black Moth Super Rainbow

N: Where are you boys? I’m behind the sound booth, on the curb, slumping sangria and nicotine at the Black Lips concert (show)

N: Best thing I’ve seen all weekend is some underwear thrown away in a porto-potty. Such a sweet, sad reminder of existence.

C: The new songs MAIDS did at their set were really fucking good.

C: They were (fire emoticon) (fire emoticon) (fire emoticon)

C: So, I’ve been retracing my steps in my head all day and I’m pretty sure that during the TIRES IPR set I left my water bottle on the table and that was when Kyler put a torn-up handbill in there.

N: Lizzo is fucking killing it. I see you Casey. Good jawns.

B: Now there is a good word: jawns.

B: Fresh jawns.

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P: Nick Cage

C: Controversially, Colin Meloy (in addition to Nas last night) is also taking shots at Donald Trump during his headlining set. I think the crowd is about to turn.

T: Wait, so the Decemberists pulled random people out of the audience during their big set climax who just-so-happened to play guitar? Suspect.

Tdes moines

T: “The Moiners’ Revenge Song”

T: What is ya’ll doing fer the after party?

P: Phil on acid feat. Karen Meat.

P: Karen Meat on acid feat. Phil

T: Droogs.

P: One of the most fun 80/35s I’ve had. Didn’t give a shit about “most” of the national acts, and our locals fucking killed.

P: When is 80/35 gonna book Lenny Kravitz?

C: I’m just glad we missed that short window when Macklemore and Ryan Lewis was a viable option.

P: I worked sound for those two gentlemen at the Vaudeville Mews in 2010. Eight people paid. Great show… (unhappy face emoticon)

N: Guys, I’m seeing tigers everywhere…

 

July 10

12:11 PM

 

P: Lizzo stole a cooler! Haha!

C: She earned it.

N: For real.

N: It seems corny, but I don’t feel that large sense of community anywhere else like I do at 80/35. And when it’s over, a subtle sadness seeps in.

C: I totally just wallowed in a sadness nap for most of today. Being around other people while watching live music is the truth.

N: Amen.

T: Anyone have any other good thoughts about the festival to share for our Phoning It In feature?

P: Read our words and weep Joe Lollipop & Chat Slader!

N: Read our worm Chard Tater and Jojo Lol-er

C: Reek or welp chef tanker and joan leader

C: aka real journalism

B: I don’t see a lot of money here.

T: sigh

T: I fucking quit.

The crowd cheers for Trouble Lights Saturday, July 6, 2013, during the 80/35 Music Festival in downtown Des Moines.

dsmshows

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